It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
