he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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