Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
