You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
