so let's talk penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
