and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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