FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
