I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
