I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
