Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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