pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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