You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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