dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
