when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
