i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
