But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
literally had 100 drinks last night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
