Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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