I got chris browned last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
