apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
