dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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