How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
