We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
