a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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