You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
