Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
