Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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