i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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