Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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