You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
