i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
