getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
