My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
