so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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