I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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