capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
