i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
