I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
