Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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