I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
