he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
