just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
