I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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