The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
