at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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