So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
