Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
