Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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