tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
