aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
