It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
