This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
